Here. Hold this.

Wikipedia defines an earworm as a portion of a song or other music that repeats compulsively within one's mind, put colloquially as "music being stuck in one's head."

I am the patron frigging saint of earworms. If ever there was a reason for you to stop reading my blog, this is it, because I will pass my earworms on to you in hopes that, like the tape in The Ring, if I give you a copy of the tape (get you humming my stuck tune) then I will be free from the punishment. Make sense?

Of course, if you get them as bad as I do, this might actually be a godsend for you because you can trade your earworm for mine - I might be able to kill yours and replace it with mine.

What is especially shitty about my hyper-stuck-in-headism is that I will usually get stuck on some short, tedious, mind-numbing stanza of lyrics and 9 times out of 10 those lyrics won't even be correct! Sometimes I don't know all the words so I'll just hum what's missing, leading to even more obnoxiousness.

Sometimes, I'll get a whole medley of crap running through there and want to ram crayons into my brain ala Homer Simpson. There was this whole mash-up of P!nk songs a few weeks ago.... *shudders*

Sometimes it's not even a song! It's a word or a phrase or god forbid a unique name, again, not pronounced even remotely close to what it should be. Drives me up a wall! Doutzen Kroes?! Doubt-zen Crows. I have no idea how accurate that is but I'm sure it's not even in a neighboring galaxy but it runs through my head all the time. And could you imagine - my head nearly exploded when that Precious movie came out. Gabourey Sidibe! Gab-oorie Sid-eeb. AHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOPPPPP!!!!

Most of the time, these things get in my head at horribly inopportune times, like 2am when I'm nursing Rowan for instance. Then my insomniac self is lying there reciting the same shit over-and-over. Those first few weeks home with Rowan I left the TV on in the bedroom for light. I seriously thought I was going to blow that "freecreditreport.com" guy's head clean off. 4am and all I could think was

Freecreditreport.com
Tell your friend, tell your dad, tell your mom
Never mind they've been singing our song
Since we first showed up with our pirate hats on

Nevermind that the sound wasn't on. All I had to do was see that pirate hat on the cymbal stand and that was it.

Last night it was The Beverly Hillbillies theme song. I have maybe seen two whole episodes of that in my entire life and the last one was probably half my life ago. It was bad:

I'mma here to tell ya story bout a man named Jed
da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Barely kept his family fed

That first line is probably all wrong, I couldn't remember the second and I have serious doubts about that third one. And that's all I know of the song, so that's what went around and around and around in my head.

I don't actually have an earworm right now thankfully. Some were trying to weasel their way in there (I'm looking at you, Michael Buble song) but I am so freaking tired I can't stand myself. I chaperoned the kindergarten field trip to the science museum today, after Rowan's frequent nighttime feedings last night and sports practices tonight so I am beat. You'd think that might make me more susceptible to those sorts of things but mercifully no. I think my brain left the building an hour or so ago...